Better to Have Not Loved

You have heard that old saying, "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850.  My question is -- so is this really true?  I would be interested to hear your comments and perspective if you are so inclined.

Here's my take on it.  For what I have seen in life so far, I think it is better to have not loved, than to have loved the wrong person.  (And, you can quote me on this since I haven't seen this around, my name is Tina Chan).  What is my reasoning?  This might take multiple posts, but here is a start.

Everyone is looking for love.  And, everyone needs it.  However, we can fall in love with love, and many times with whomever is currently beside us or kind of likes us (a girl's confession here).  Or we do meet that "perfect" someone, but they don't love us back the way we love them.  Many times, we probably don't really know them, such as their inner workings and history, and so they become perfect in our eyes.

People fall in love before the background check.  It's easy to fall in love with only what you see and feel, but reality is part of love.  Meaning, the fit of family, values, friends, history, hurts are all part of that love.  And, with it, this can make your life bliss or miserable and a total miss.

We stay in the wrong relationships because we want them to work.  It goes back to the desire to be in love, and love gives.  But what if we are giving to the wrong person?  And, what about the selfishness of wanting to be married for the sake of marriage because we want to be with someone rather than marrying for real love and the right fit?   Tough questions, tough answers.

We like to watch romantic movies (or at least I do, another confession).  But, what does unbridled, head over heels passion get us?  Happy endings in movies.  But in reality, a majority of relationships are the wrong ones.  50% of first marriages get a divorce (http://www.divorcerate.org/).  This doesn't even include all the dating relationships that break up.

What am I saying?  Never love?  Never go after that girl you are attracted to?  No, not at all.  I am saying, go after her/him with the goal of finding that right one.  We have no idea what is inside if we don't look.  And, sometimes, we do just fall in love, we couldn't help it.  But, what seems important is the commitment to yourself and to your family to find the right one, not just any one.