What are some red flags that we should have seen in a dating relationship before we headed down the aisle? What wisdom can we learn to avoid heading into such disasters? (Remember, more than 50% of couples divorce, which probably means that more than 50% of us need more guidance).
When I heard these questions asked, my ears perked up, and I turned up the volume. Free, wise advice is always a bargain. The advice is not my own, but that of Dr. Erwin Lutzer and here are some notes with a few of my thoughts...
First off, the red flags were ignored. Meaning that the people who shared their marriage stories he refers to felt something deep down, but never acted upon it or wrote it off in their mind for some reason (perhaps reasoning that they needed to get married now so this was it, or I'm in love, or we've been together for so long...). I also have to caveat that we all have red flags, and whoever marries us has to overlook that of ours. Further, we may even possess some of the following traits to some degree. However, isn't it better to identify and deal with ourselves first (which takes humility) and become a better person to live with? Then, we can see our situations with more awareness and not overlook important issues. So, here we go, a few red flags to look for...
1. The narcissist. Enamored by his/her own image, self absorbed, never apologizes for something, always the other person's fault. Talks about himself/herself a lot. Or it's always around his work, his schedule. He/she only cares about you in the dating relationship because of what he/she wants to get.
2. More interested in your physique or how you look or than you as a person. Shows no sympathy for your hurt or pain, or anyone else's for that matter. Completely insensitive while dating. Falling in love with someone's body--that will deteriorate, but falling in love with the person, that will grow.
3. An angry person. Angry people can sometimes be charmers or affirming during the dating relationship. Sometimes comes out as cynicism. Don't ignore deep seeded anger if it surfaces. Initial charm could be a cover for deeper abusive behavior later.
4. Lazy person. Thinks that the world owes him/her a living and blames everything but himself/herself for faults. Also thinks that the world does not appreciate her/him and is still waiting for the world to come around to realize how great of a person he/she is. One woman said she married the man she dated, saw the laziness beforehand but brushed it aside. She thought he would change after the "I do."
Stay tuned for Part II with what to do.
Sources:
Red Flags You Probably Missed - Dr. Erwin Lutzer
Picture: http://blog.redfin.com/
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