Why Are You Getting Married?

This summer, I am reading through a book with my small group called The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller.  It has been an engaging read so far, and interestingly, I think it has been applicable for the single and perhaps very revealing for the married.  Hopefully that means, the single will be more prepared and the married will be solving problems...today.

I thought I would just quote this passage from the book, as I think it is quite insighful.

In Western culture today, you decide to get married because you feel an attraction to the other person.  You think he or she is wonderful.  But a year or two later--or, just as often, a month or two--three things usually happen.  First, you begin to find out how selfish this wonderful person is.  Second, you discover that the wonderful person has been going through a similar experience and he or she begins to tell you how selfish you are.  And third, though you acknowledge it in part, you conclude that your spouse's selfishness is more problematic than your own.  This is especially true if you feel that you've had a hard life and have experienced a lot of hurt.  You say silently, "OK, I shouldn't do that--but you don't understand me."  The woundedness makes us minimize our own selfishness.  And that's the point at which many married couples arrive after a relatively brief period of time.

Boy, that was a dose of reality...more to come in a future post!

Paper Airplanes

Another video done by my friend, Samantha. This one is about past relationships, folded up in paper airplanes.  Enjoy!

What to Look for in A Girl

Last year, I posted a 4-part series on Finding Love, starting with Finding Love: the who.  This year, I would like to expound on the actual character qualities to look for and to treasure in both genders.  If you already are in a relationship or are married, then these are probably just as relevant since you can see how you measure up! 

So fellas, what qualities should you look for in a girl?  What qualities will make her a good wife? It's not easy finding a girl, especially one who has a list of virtuous qualities.  This is why her price is far above rubies, and finding her is like finding a treasure.  Btw, this is not a list that I came up with, these are qualities described in Proverbs 31: The Virtuous Woman.

The List.

1. She is diligent, diligent, diligent.  If your woman is not diligent, boy you probably will be facing a lot of heartache, and she will be expensive because you will have to pay for what she doesn't do (or be tired and do it yourself).  (Proverbs 31:13, 18, 27)

2. Provides food for her family even if difficult or is far away.  She is a provider, rather than one who depends on the guy to do the work that she could be doing. (Proverbs 31:14)

3. Doesn’t think only about herself but for the welfare of her family.  As with any leader, good decisions made are usually best for the group and not for him/herself. (Proverbs 31:15)

4. She can labor.  It comes with the diligence. (Proverbs 31:17) 

5. She has compassion for those in need.  She reaches out her hand to them. (Proverbs 31:20)

6. She is confident in her preparation. (Proverbs 31:21)

7. She is good at business and real estate.  She will be profitable to you. (Proverbs 31:16, 24)
 
8. She acts with wisdom. (Proverbs 31:26)

9. She speaks with kindness. (Proverbs 31:26)

The above list is a high bar.  And, as women, we only can keep working on ourselves to aspire towards this.  But, if you are a guy and can find a woman with many of these qualities, better not delay in an efficient market. She will do you good and not evil all the days of her life.

Healing for the hurting heart

A continuation on love from Bob Moeller’s talk.  Why is a recognizing a hardened heart so important?  For one, unresolved pain will block our ability to give and receive love.  We will look to the other person to fix us.  We will step on each other’s pain for a lifetime (or choose to leave).  And, if we do marry, we may spend years feeling like we married the wrong person.

Bob had a pretty interesting insight: If we come from a troubled or dysfunctional home, 90% of us will marry our most difficult parent. 

I have definitely seen this.  Unfortunately…

Is there hope?  Yes there is!!  A softened heart is the way back.  God’s solution is to bring healing.  Bob goes into many verses.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me…He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted…” Isaiah 61:1

“I will give you a new heart and a new spirit in you.  I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

Ask God to examine your heart (Psalm 139:23-24).  Confess every area of hardness of heart and sin to God and to someone you trust (James 5:16).  Forgive people who have damaged your heart.  Ask Him to soften and heal your heart (Psalm 51:10). 

This blog entry is for all the broken people out there in the world.  I wish the misery would stop.  We all need healing.