Finding Love, the who

Part IV, the Final.  For Part I: Finding Love, the start

V-Day is here.  Happy Valentine’s Day!  If you have been following the other postings to my finding love series, you have been thinking about the love question for a few days now.  If you find yourself celebrating Valentine’s Day with a special someone--or not, it’s good to be prepared--here’s a question: How do you know that you have found that right person?  If you are married, the question doesn’t really apply because you already made your commitment (and I feel so sorry for those who are in tough marriages...I could not imagine.  Nevertheless, we must own up to what we chose; otherwise, the lesson will repeat).

We all want more happiness and less misery.  So, for that special someone, how do you know?  Side: I still want to see that movie... 

Since the answer to the “how do you know” question would lead a person to make probably the biggest commitment of his/her life, we better put some real thought into our answer.  For the guy who is even remotely thinking of popping the question, and for the girl who sees this as a serious relationship.

I think we can all agree that this question is tough to answer because so many factors are at play.  However, here are a few thoughts, perhaps obvious or perhaps something to consider.

Every couple resides in society.  Meaning that they can’t cut themselves off from the world.  Close and trusting relationships with family and certain friends, as much as able, are indication if the match seems to fit.  If we think about it, the wedding is about gathering family and friends, when people have children it’s about family, holidays are about family (or at least a call), even the “–in law” suffix is permanent for immediate family members, and to really enjoy the blessings of peace and harmony within your new family is directly tied to what you bring in, that is, what you experienced in your original families and how you relate to them.

Chemistry, laughter, contentment.  The chemistry varies for every person or couple, but there still needs to be some version of fireworks.  Otherwise what’s the difference from a really good friend?  When speaking of contentment, not talking about you now having someone for yourself, but about an inner contentment with yourself, with how you view yourself, and with what you have.  What about laughter?  Well, if you can’t be happy before marriage, how in the world will you get through the inevitable hard times in marriage?

Money is attributed as the number one reason for divorce.  You both have to share the same views on money – not just in words, but in action.  For this, I think you need to see it, to believe it.

Lastly, how do you know she is right for you?  Test her.  Test him on things important to him and see his reaction.  Unannounced, unplanned, surprise situations can reveal a great deal about a person.  Don’t put aside the possibility of finding something that could be potentially lifesaving.

V-Day will come and go, as it does every year.  And, for people in dating relationships, it hopefully will be a time to think about their relationship.  Interestingly, many people around this time do reassess, because after Valentine’s Day up till Spring Break time, the number of break-ups will hit an annual peak (the other is right before the winter holiday).  Real numbers actually show this phenomenon.  They come from Facebook status updates (surprise!).  If you haven’t read, check out my previous blog post, Black Monday, for more detail.

Be happy, we all have something going for us.


Source of picture: 420 heart of fruits.  www.aarp.org