Red Flags Before Marriage - Part II

Part II. To read first part: Red Flags Before Marriage - Part I

Continuing on about red flags before marriage we should not ignore.  We should never marry unless we are willing to put the needs of others above our own.  As a single person, it is really easy to think how being with this other person will make ME happy, ME not lonely, and ME feel loved.  Although we all need these things and "receive" in a relationship, it can't be about ME if we want a truly loving, lasting relationship.  The other person can't be our servant.  It won't work, as many married people say.  To love is to sacrifice, which the movies don't focus on or emphasize enough.  Sacrifice is never  easy.



The four red flags I noted in the previous post can also be found in verses in Proverbs.

A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may express itself. (Proverbs 18:2). This kind of person is only interested in expressing him/her -self.

As the door turns upon his hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed. (Proverbs 26:14)  This is the lazy.  Isn't the imagery great??  

The sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason. (Proverbs 26:16).  Sanity is the ability to know who we really are.

See a man wise in his own conceit? there is more hope of a fool than of him. (Proverbs 26:12)  The fool won't be open to hearing about his/her faults because he/she thinks he is wiser than you are.  This is life in a bubble.



So, where does this leave us...Where is our hope for making due with what we have or making us better?


1) Understand one another.  Nagging won't do it, and neither will judging.  No one can change another person.  Let God do it.  Accept your mate and gain unity.  Be willing to sacrifice, giving up all your rights to get over conflict.  This is not speaking of an abusive relationship.  An abusive relationship needs help immediately.

2) Get on the same page morally, spiritually and goals. Sympathize with one another.  Be quick to admit your wrong and ask for forgiveness.

3) Do not render evil for evil in the marriage relationship or any relationship.  People are more anxious to get even than to glorify God in a relationship.  This probably ties to the whole sacrifice concept - even when we have a right to get even, if we truly want this relationship to work out, we are willing to put aside those rights and seek for resolution or better understanding.


Sources:
Red Flags You Probably Missed - Dr. Erwin Lutzer

Red Flags Before Marriage - Part I

What are some red flags that we should have seen in a dating relationship before we headed down the aisle? What wisdom can we learn to avoid heading into such disasters?  (Remember, more than 50% of couples divorce, which probably means that more than 50% of us need more guidance).

When I heard these questions asked, my ears perked up, and I turned up the volume.  Free, wise advice is always a bargain.  The advice is not my own, but that of Dr. Erwin Lutzer and here are some notes with a few of my thoughts...

First off, the red flags were ignored.  Meaning that the people who shared their marriage stories he refers to felt something deep down, but never acted upon it or wrote it off in their mind for some reason (perhaps reasoning that they needed to get married now so this was it, or I'm in love, or we've been together for so long...).  I also have to caveat that we all have red flags, and whoever marries us has to overlook that of ours.  Further, we may even possess some of the following traits to some degree.  However, isn't it better to identify and deal with ourselves first (which takes humility) and become a better person to live with?  Then, we can see our situations with more awareness and not overlook important issues.  So, here we go, a few red flags to look for...

1. The narcissist. Enamored by his/her own image, self absorbed, never apologizes for something, always the other person's fault.  Talks about himself/herself a lot.  Or it's always around his work, his schedule.  He/she only cares about you in the dating relationship because of what he/she wants to get.

2. More interested in your physique or how you look or than you as a person.  Shows no sympathy for your hurt or pain, or anyone else's for that matter.  Completely insensitive while dating.  Falling in love with someone's body--that will deteriorate, but falling in love with the person, that will grow.

3. An angry person. Angry people can sometimes be charmers or affirming during the dating relationship.  Sometimes comes out as cynicism.  Don't ignore deep seeded anger if it surfaces.  Initial charm could be a cover for deeper abusive behavior later.

4. Lazy person. Thinks that the world owes him/her a living and blames everything but himself/herself for faults. Also thinks that the world does not appreciate her/him and is still waiting for the world to come around to realize how great of a person he/she is.  One woman said she married the man she dated, saw the laziness beforehand but brushed it aside.  She thought he would change after the "I do."   

Stay tuned for Part II with what to do.

Sources:
Red Flags You Probably Missed - Dr. Erwin Lutzer
Picture: http://blog.redfin.com/

Two Easy Ways to Cut Carrots

Todd Coleman from Saveur.com makes cutting carrots look SO easy.  His technique makes it seem as if the carrots were cooked!  Or it may be that he has an awesome chef's knife (and some skill).

Cleaning the Healthy Way

I wrote a post about a month ago on how toxins are more prevalent than we realize, and how they may have long lasting effects on our health and our future generations (post below).  Today's post is about how to avoid some chemicals and the myriad of toxins found in cleaning solutions.  I have done this for years now, it works and it saves money.  I started to search for more organic methods of cleaning after breathing in all the strong chemicals when cleaning my bathroom for years, and this one is a winner.

My wonder cleaning solution? White distilled vinegar.

Comes in a huge bottle, you can buy it at Costco, Wal-mart or just about any grocery store.  Do note that white distilled vinegar is chemically distilled.  I do not eat this stuff!  And if you do, try to use apple vinegar or rice vinegar, and read labels to see what they put in it.  Heinz has this label showing all these vegetables, but I really don't think it is naturally produced. 

The other thing to note is when you go out to eat, they typically use white distilled vinegar because it is cheap.  This concern is harder to control or to do something about, but it's something to keep in the back of your mind.

How to Clean with Vinegar?
Mix the vinegar with some water.  More water you put in your cup/bucket, the more diluted the solution becomes, but MAKE SURE you add some water.  White distilled vinegar on its own is corrosive.  Use a sponge and douse with the water-vinegar solution and use it to clean your bathroom faucets, bathtub, shower, tile floor, around the toilet bowl, just about anywhere!  [Although I still use toilet bowl cleaner] After you wipe with the solution, go back with a wet sponge with water and wash it down.  You will find that it cleans beautifully and with no water spots.  I would even challenge that it cleans better than a lot of products out there.

I do wear a mask at times while doing this (and definitely when I used to clean with other shelf chemicals).  But even if you don't, I feel vinegar is more natural than the other stuff out there and overall lower risk.

Lastly, over the long run, you will be saving yourself A LOT OF MONEY.


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Picture source: Heinz Vinegar